Please Review on my Plot and give it Criticism?

I notice you're pretty desperate. You've posted this question several times. OK, honest opinion: It isn't really me. I don't find it very interesting and I wouldn't read it if it was in stores. However, it seems original. Keep writing it, because it seems like you enjoy writing and quite frankly it doesn't matter whether other people like it or not. As you get older, you'll get much better ideas, but for your age this is pretty advanced, so go for it! Don't let anyone stand in the way of you doing something you enjoy!!